el stupido

I love life. You know how you’re young and you start interacting with other kids? Boys want to be boys and emulate TV action heroes? Girls want to be homemakers (and hairdressers) with their doll houses and tea parties? Remember that? This is our story. The story of all of us, told in my own words without conducting any research whatsoever, it was just created in my head! So please forgive my flawed offering as I present to you: Boys & Girls in

The Birds & The Bees!

The boys think the girls are “sucky” and the girls think the boys are just plain old mean! Cries of: “I hate boys!” and “Girls are just stupid!” fill the airwaves for the years to come. It is a cute relationship of utter, mutual hatred that adults find cute because of the innocence that really surrounds it.

Then, all of a sudden, that thief in the night creeps up on you when you least expect it. Damned puberty – the rogue! Her body begins to take shape, his screech starts to crack. She develops a protruding chest, he discovers hair on his face; and the rest is evolution. The days of “kid-dom” are revised. They are both bashful because of the way they now feel around each other. It feels funny, with a hint of danger, excitement and anticipation. They don’t understand what is going on but more often than not, they like it!

However, not much changes really because the guys still want to emulate the TV action hero – he always gets the girl! And the girl still wants her tea party for two but the reserved seat is no longer for Barbie, rather a real life sized Ken. They share in common, the anticipation of that first kiss, after which, he begins thinking about the second kiss while she’s thinking about their last child’s name (cheap shot but hey!)

During this period of sexual discovery, investigation and maturation; they usually end up right back at square one. We will get to that momentarily. Upon discovering the joys of making out and all unanimously agreeing that whatever happens in “Truth or Dare” doesn’t count (say AMEN), what boys tend to grasp in all this is that: “I have this strange sensation in my pants when I'm around all girls and not just the one. Especially the bigger ones... with big ones!”; while girls think that "T or D" kiss with the ultimate hottie is the start of something wonderful.

This leads to her discovering love and him finally finding a way to appreciate Math: “So if I kiss 2 girls everyday for a whole month, that would be…” They start going steady and she clings on to her man, who tries to cling on to ever skirt in sight. She eventually finds out when he’s kissing her “best friend” behind the classrooms (next time you won’t talk about him so damn much) and we go back to square one: “I hate boys!” "I kissed every girl in her gang! Girls are just stupid!”

Kissing and the odd fumble here and there eventually lose their appeal. That’s when the pressure to advance to “Simultaneously Embracing Xtacy” creeps into the psyche. The whole back and forth struggle begins: “You don’t love me, you just want my body.” “How can you say that? Of course I love you.” “If you love me then you’ll wait.” “If you love me, let me love you completely. My brother says…” (His brother always says, don’t he?) Well, when she does give in, he runs straight to his friends to spill the beans on his 45 second conquest, of course after 45 days of persuasion – let’s call it what it is: BEGGING! The gist spreads around and we run right back to the square: “He said he loved me but he just used me. I hate boys!” “I told her I loved her and she believed me. Girls are just stupid!”

This goes on through life and makes the “can’t live with ‘em, can’t kill ‘em” sentiment ring true. It leads to the rise of the independent woman and the realization of the power described on Track 13 of Jay-Z and R. Kelly’s The Best of Both Worlds CD. The woman has been marginalized (and continually called stupid mind you) so it is only right she exercise said “power” to the extreme and the men who still don’t get it are quick to say: “Girls are just stupid!”

So she watches these "smarties" climb the corporate ladder, amassing vast assets and wealth along the way over the years and then she decides to show them just how stupid she really is:

She agrees to be his stupid girlfriend that makes falls stupidly in love with him. She stupidly accepts his wedding proposal and models her stupidly expensive diamond ring every chance she gets. She wears her stupidly expensive wedding gown proudly and stupidly says “I do!” to the superior being. Then after being stupid enough to stick around for ten years and three kids, she very stupidly takes half of what he owns, along with his entire sanity, hence causing a shift in balance within the circle. She says: “I love boys!” and he gasps: “Girls are just plain old mean!” “Really? I could have sworn they were stupid?”

:)

And so, the circle of life continues to rotate and we are back to square one. Men are now their TV heroes; washed up, unshaven loners looking for a shot at redemption now that life holds no meaning. And the women? It’s still tea parties in mansions and makeovers from renowned stylists everyday, all day; possibly with a young boy toy for her entertainment, who can’t help but believe that his easy walk-in-the-park lifestyle with this older woman boils down to one thing: “Girls are just stupid!”

The fool!